MARRIAGE PT II: Kids August 24, 2009
As I mentioned yesterday my wife and I are celebrating our fortieth anniversary this coming weekend. That’s an event auspicious enough to make a person reflect on the “Sacred Institution”, and I’ve been doing just that. Today I spent a little time taking care of my oldest grandchild. He’s eight years old. We had an interesting conversation that rambled from the birds of North America and how to draw them on the computer to the new school year to poisonous spiders to “Hot Wheels” track kits and the best way to use them to cover a large area of floor. It occurred to me that I wouldn’t have had that conversation if my wife and I hadn’t produced some children who in turn produced some children.
Kids helped to make our marriage more interesting and more fun. Now they are helping to make our senior years the same way. We have two daughters. They were spaced seven years apart so we had a chance to get to know the first one pretty well before the second was born. In some ways they are similar but in others they are polar opposites. I won’t embarrass them here with a lot of that stuff. Some other day I will. But they were good kids and have turned into pretty fine adults. And they have given us those grandkids; two boys and one girl.
Raising the kids fell largely to my wife. I was around, and I took part in quite a lot of their active lives but I worked quite a lot; two jobs for a long time and odd hours for another long time. But we got along with the girls and we paid attention to them. Both got through grade and high school pretty well. Both graduated from college. Right now they are both moms doing the best they can with their kids.
If there is anything I learned during the years we’ve had with our kids it’s this; pay attention to them as they’re growing up and in all likelihood they’ll pay attention to you when you get older. At least we’ve been lucky in that regard. This week they’re planning a little family party for our anniversary on Saturday. Between the two of them they’ll put together a nice festive occasion. It will be a very small party since we kind of prefer that sort. Our daughters know us very well and they’ll make things simple and fun.
If you’re newly married I definitely encourage you to have a couple of kids, or more if you think you can stand it. Zero population growth wasn’t my idea. There’s no need to go crazy and if you can’t afford a bunch of kids don’t do it. But you’d be surprised how good a job you can do with a couple kids on a very limited income. For many of the years we were raising our two girls our incomes were so low that the government pretty much ignored us. And we ignored the government. Those were the good old days. If you already have kids that are in various stages of development I wish you well. And keep in mind what I said earlier, pay attention to the little (or big) urchins. Paying attention doesn’t meaning carting them around to fifteen activities per kid per week. It doesn’t mean buying all kinds of stuff and sticking them in some remote part of the house so you can’t hear their chattering and arguing. It doesn’t mean sitting them down in front of the TV for twenty hours a week while you sip cocktails and surf the net. It means talking with them about trivial stuff. It means paying attention to what’s happening in their school. And it means spending some time with them talking about important stuff like what you believe, how life works, where babies come from and how the Yankee’s were at one time the greatest team in baseball but are now a shadow of their former greatness.
You might want to play with your kids a little bit. Teach them how to throw a ball. Take them fishing. Teach them about winning but don’t forget to show them how to handle losing. Not everyone is a winner all the time, contrary to current popular teaching philosophy. It’ll be good information to have when they get downsized or passed over for a promotion. Make sure their education is broad enough to include some religion, history and ethics. Cross cultural studies and women’s issues might be important, but don’t forget the Constitution and the Ten Commandments.
Okay. That’s about all the advice I have stored up for today. The only thing I’d add is that I learned a lot from my kids and I’m still learning. They helped to make our marriage a joyous time and they continue to do so.
Have a fine day.
As I mentioned yesterday my wife and I are celebrating our fortieth anniversary this coming weekend. That’s an event auspicious enough to make a person reflect on the “Sacred Institution”, and I’ve been doing just that. Today I spent a little time taking care of my oldest grandchild. He’s eight years old. We had an interesting conversation that rambled from the birds of North America and how to draw them on the computer to the new school year to poisonous spiders to “Hot Wheels” track kits and the best way to use them to cover a large area of floor. It occurred to me that I wouldn’t have had that conversation if my wife and I hadn’t produced some children who in turn produced some children.
Kids helped to make our marriage more interesting and more fun. Now they are helping to make our senior years the same way. We have two daughters. They were spaced seven years apart so we had a chance to get to know the first one pretty well before the second was born. In some ways they are similar but in others they are polar opposites. I won’t embarrass them here with a lot of that stuff. Some other day I will. But they were good kids and have turned into pretty fine adults. And they have given us those grandkids; two boys and one girl.
Raising the kids fell largely to my wife. I was around, and I took part in quite a lot of their active lives but I worked quite a lot; two jobs for a long time and odd hours for another long time. But we got along with the girls and we paid attention to them. Both got through grade and high school pretty well. Both graduated from college. Right now they are both moms doing the best they can with their kids.
If there is anything I learned during the years we’ve had with our kids it’s this; pay attention to them as they’re growing up and in all likelihood they’ll pay attention to you when you get older. At least we’ve been lucky in that regard. This week they’re planning a little family party for our anniversary on Saturday. Between the two of them they’ll put together a nice festive occasion. It will be a very small party since we kind of prefer that sort. Our daughters know us very well and they’ll make things simple and fun.
If you’re newly married I definitely encourage you to have a couple of kids, or more if you think you can stand it. Zero population growth wasn’t my idea. There’s no need to go crazy and if you can’t afford a bunch of kids don’t do it. But you’d be surprised how good a job you can do with a couple kids on a very limited income. For many of the years we were raising our two girls our incomes were so low that the government pretty much ignored us. And we ignored the government. Those were the good old days. If you already have kids that are in various stages of development I wish you well. And keep in mind what I said earlier, pay attention to the little (or big) urchins. Paying attention doesn’t meaning carting them around to fifteen activities per kid per week. It doesn’t mean buying all kinds of stuff and sticking them in some remote part of the house so you can’t hear their chattering and arguing. It doesn’t mean sitting them down in front of the TV for twenty hours a week while you sip cocktails and surf the net. It means talking with them about trivial stuff. It means paying attention to what’s happening in their school. And it means spending some time with them talking about important stuff like what you believe, how life works, where babies come from and how the Yankee’s were at one time the greatest team in baseball but are now a shadow of their former greatness.
You might want to play with your kids a little bit. Teach them how to throw a ball. Take them fishing. Teach them about winning but don’t forget to show them how to handle losing. Not everyone is a winner all the time, contrary to current popular teaching philosophy. It’ll be good information to have when they get downsized or passed over for a promotion. Make sure their education is broad enough to include some religion, history and ethics. Cross cultural studies and women’s issues might be important, but don’t forget the Constitution and the Ten Commandments.
Okay. That’s about all the advice I have stored up for today. The only thing I’d add is that I learned a lot from my kids and I’m still learning. They helped to make our marriage a joyous time and they continue to do so.
Have a fine day.
1 comment:
Very well put Jim.
It appears that you have learned a thing or two about kids and what they need to get through this life.
I think your girls parents did a good job with them.
They are fotunate to have you both.
I will now have a fine day.
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