It was while I was doing my morning walk at the mall that I first noticed the messages. It was a rainy and windy day, dark and with a chill that made my old arthritic joints ache. So mall walking was the only exercise option. But as I checked my watch to time my walk my mind seemed to slip away without any good reason. It was early and the stores weren’t open, but some of the workers were arriving and there was the usual contingent of walkers making their way around. In my head I seemed to be hearing some kind of monologue totally unrelated to anything that was on my mind.
I looked around and saw a young woman getting ready to open the hair cutting place. In my head I heard, no - I sensed, this message: hope the crowd doesn’t get here too early my damn feet are killing me wonder if this coffee is decaf stupid night girls did a crap job cleaning up as usual can’t understand why Joey is always late from work and never horny anymore did I turn off that stupid curling iron yeah I remember yanking the plug hope I can make an extra twenty or so today that old fart with the long gray hair should walk in here…
At first I thought my imagination was just taking a strange turn, and what I was sensing wasn’t really a message. As I walked down the mall I still heard snippets of conversation as I came across people. But there was more than talk coming into my brain. An older woman ahead of me wasn’t talking but I seemed to hear: just one more lap around this darn place then I’ll get some coffee or maybe a nice cup of tea yes tea would be good before I go to the bank and I can’t let George use that extra three hundred at the slots I wonder if Madeline will want to play bingo tonight down in Milford sure could use another win like that one last month five hundred would be real…
As I passed by the woman the words faded away but then as I approached one of the maintenance people cleaning the windows on Sears a different voice entered my mind saying: clean this clean this hate this cleaning nasty little kids fingerprints clean clean smoke in a while maybe eat the chips rain should stop when I get home that show I recorded will be on clean wipe that spot rotten little kids with sticky crap on their fingers makin’ my job…
It was really weird and I found a place away from the light flow of people and thought about what was happening. It seemed like I was picking up whatever was on the minds of who ever I got close to. But that couldn’t be possible. It must have been my imagination, some sort of weird fantasy. Maybe those people were talking to themselves and by some trick of the building acoustics I was hearing what they were muttering. So I tried to clear my head and continue my walk, keeping my thoughts fixed on my own day and the chores I was going to do later.
But in front of the Old Navy store I glanced inside and a worker was putting clothes on a rack and my mind started receiving this: such junk you’d think that a big and famous store like this could have better stuff did jenny finish that rack don’t think so maybe I can dress that mannequin over there so that some of these tops will sell faster shouldn’t have had that cake last night so much fat need to start on the stair walker again so my thighs don’t slap together when I walk Kelly’s so jealous of me and Ryan but she’s got to realize that a boyfriend isn’t everything and it’s a lot of pain in the ass stuff too this one shouldn’t be in this group what the heck is…
Again the voice faded as I moved away. I was getting kind of spooked by now but I was also intrigued. How much control could I have over this new found ability? If I could know what people were thinking when I was negotiating something with them then maybe it could be a useful thing. I decided to try an experiment. The stores were opening now so I walked into the place that sells the beds that you adjust by pushing buttons. They’re pretty expensive and I wanted to see what would enter my mind while I was talking to a salesperson. The sales guy, a sharply dressed young man with hair gelled up into pointy peaks, approached me. As we exchanged greetings I found myself listening to his spoken words and at the same time receiving mentally his silent thoughts. His words were describing the beds but his mind was saying: time waster I think too old and too shabby to pay what I need for this bed commissions are way down could have stayed out a lot later last night need to pee soon to get rid of this coffee is this guy even paying attention to what I’m saying here he really needs a haircut old guys shouldn’t try to look like hippies somebody must have been fooling around on this bed after hours look at the stain on that maybe if I lowball him by about six hundred I can convince him to buy…
As I got that last bit of information I told the guy I might pay about six hundred less than the asking price. He looked at me suspiciously and said that he might be able to work something out. He went on about delivery and set up but meanwhile his thoughts were coming to me in a stream saying: how did he come up with that number I think I’ve got him now but if I can bump the price up for the delivery and stuff and maybe a mattress cover then I can get a decent commission but he still hasn’t committed Sharon could use some new tires on her Saturn she’d probably warm up to me a little bit more if I started buying her some stuff again maybe I should switch to that gel in the green bottle instead of this one this one smells kind of girlie is this guy paying attention to me time to close this sale…
I quickly told the guy I would have to bring my wife into the store before I could commit to a purchase and on a personal note I told him he should use a gel that was either unscented or one that had a more masculine smell. His jaw dropped but he recovered and gave me his card. As I left the store I picked up his thoughts and they were loaded with a lot of insulting profanity. I couldn’t blame the sales guy for that since I had wasted his time with my little experiment. I went to the high priced coffee shop at the center of the mall and got a large cup of a strong brew. A good stiff drink would have been better but it was too early for that. I found that I could tune out the thinking of the counter person in the coffee shop if I focused on my own thoughts. At a table near the coffee shop I tried switching my thought receptor on and off. A security guy came by on his Segue. I picked up this flow: it’s really cool being up a little higher than everyone I wonder if that girl in the piercing place has any new tattoos on her body that one on the back is great I wonder how far down it goes there’s that old guy that walks in here sometime he really ought to get a job not much activity wonder what the security alert status is today yellow orange too bad we need to wear these queer helmets one of these days I’m going to pull a late shift and see how fast this thing can go…
It was interesting switching those hidden thoughts on and off but in truth most of what people were thinking was pretty boring. When an attractive, well dressed business woman sat at the table next to me I tuned in and got: this coffee is way too dark I’d better add some cream and maybe some sugar that old guy is trying to look up my skirt is Splenda on the counter yeah here it is hope that flu is over with it’s a pain needing a toilet all the time I’m sure that old creep is watching me maybe I should move or tell him to get lost can’t do that he might think I want to talk to him Renee will be a little late tonight but at least we have tomorrow off and we can stay in bed and…
That was the last thought I received. No matter what I tried or who I focused on I couldn’t get inside anyone’s head. Whatever the chain of cosmic events was that had lined up to enable my ability to read minds had broken up and I was coming up blank now. It was disappointing but probably for the best. Those mental insults were becoming a little bit irritating and I probably would have had to say something sooner or later. Then my power wouldn’t have been invisible anymore. And the best super powers are the ones that are concealed.
Have a fine day.
1 comment:
This was an amusing story. :) Nice one.
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