We got home from a brief trip to Rockville, Maryland a little while ago. Our extremely pregnant daughter needed my truck to pick up a dresser for the baby’s bedroom. Of course she also wanted to see us; she didn’t just need us for the vehicle. My dear wife helped with preparation of all the baby stuff which is now filling all the drawers, baskets and shelves in that nursery room. They also did some decorating and curtain hanging. I was called upon to use my manly talents putting up curtain rods and in assembling a port-a-crib device. That crib thing was a complicated piece of equipment and I actually had to read the directions and then ask my daughter for an interpretation. It got done but not without some sweat and a few choice epithets. So now their place is pretty well set for the imminent arrival of baby Elizabeth (no middle name yet).
Thinking about the arrival of babies sent my mind on a little journey back to the early days of our marriage, nearly forty years ago. I remembered going to a Grant’s department store up in the Rochester area and getting some baby stuff, a wooden cradle and a changing table, for our first born daughter. Those were exciting times. Seven years later, after we had given all our baby things away, we had do go out and do it all again when our second daughter was born. I think she got better stuff because we were a little better off at that point in our lives. Also by that time we had forgotten all those new baby skills we once had. It’s a good thing our seven year old had a knack for childcare having played with dolls for a few years. She was a big help, and I’m not kidding about that.
Forty years is a pretty long time to stay married nowadays. At this point it seems like my wife knows exactly what I’m thinking all the time. I asked her how she does that and she said that she always asks the questions and then gives me the correct answers, which gives an illusion of being all knowing. I can’t do that same thing to her. Whenever I think I know what she’ll say or do she ends up somewhere else. That also adds to the mystique of her being several steps ahead of me and also of being extremely intuitive. Some people might say that she’s just illogical and disorganized, but I know better and I would never say that.
My wife and I have developed a kind of shorthand way of conversing over the years. I don’t notice younger couples doing that very much. We can convey more information and emotional content in six to ten words than most folks can in six hours in a marriage counselors office. We rarely misunderstand each other. I understand that she’s almost always right so things get settled quickly. And if she happens to be wrong she readily admits that I’m an idiot for that rare misunderstanding. We then get on with life in our happy dysfunctional way.
I kind of wanted to do some bragging about another aspect of our personal life but I’m afraid that if my wife (who is also my editor-in-chief) saw that she would not be too happy. Even though everything I had in mind to write about would have been highly complimentary towards her she still wouldn’t allow it to be seen under my readers’ lamplight. So I’ll just say that she really likes my cooking and we’ll leave it at that.
As a parting gift to all you couples out there who haven’t yet had the experience or time in service that I have I’m going to offer a little free advice about marriage. Or if you’re not married but you’re a couple then you can still use the advice, but it really works better if you have the required paperwork completed. Okay, here’s the advice: communicate on a level deeper than a TV commercial. That sounds easy, doesn’t it? But it’s really hard and it takes a lot of practice. Some people might say that women are better at communicating but I disagree. Women are better at talking but they still have a hard time listening to what their guy is really saying. Men are not always so good at talking but we do pretty good at listening because we practice that a lot. The trick is for both of you to say things that mean something and listen in a way that means you’re really hearing. If you need counseling in this area I’ve got a cousin who gets paid good money for that out in California. He does phone appointments at a discount rate.
Have a fine day.
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