RACIST RELATIONS

For the past couple of years I’ve been thinking about the status of black and white relations as the subject applies to me and my family. But I’ve always been hesitant about writing anything about the matter for several reasons. When Mr. Obama was running for and winning the presidency I had opportunities to comment on the subject but I was afraid that my political nattering would seem racist and there was enough of that going around at the time. Just for the record I think Mr. Obama is doing a crappy job as president, his dealing with GM being a perfect case in point. But to get back to the subject, race relations are difficult for me probably because of ingrained prejudices I might have or possibly because of how some members of my family also show evidence of even greater prejudices than mine. I’m doing better on my own personal set of prejudicial ideas and that has come about in large part because of my daughters. Those girls learned what I and a lot of other folks were preaching all those years ago, even when I wasn’t sure I believed it myself.

Our youngest daughter is engaged to a black African man. What’s more is they are expecting a baby in July. Our future son-in-law is a fine young man. He came from Ghana several years ago armed with a college degree and some ambition. Now he is a department manager at a home improvement store and working also at making a home and family with my daughter. Our other daughter married a fellow from Scotland (by way of England) and that was quite easy to accept. Initially I had a little trouble with the idea of a son-in-law from Ghana. The cultural differences between there and the USA are immense. And the racial issue was also in the back of my mind. But I met the guy and was very impressed. He’s extremely quiet and soft spoken. He’s respectful of our daughter and also of the rest of the family. He worries about his family still in Ghana and stays in close contact with all of them. So it wasn’t hard to get over the color difference pretty quickly. My grandsons helped show the way by their instant color blind acceptance of their new uncle to be.

This isn’t the first inter-racial marriage or engagement in our family. We have several mixed race nieces and nephews and second cousins. Our family reunion last year had evidence of the “rainbow” like quality of our family. And the rainbow has a bit of red around a few family members’ necks. Fortunately there aren’t any aggressively racist people just some that are quietly disapproving and stand-offish. For the most part the more openly prejudiced people limit themselves to comments and “jokes” among themselves. It would be good if everyone could be as color-blind as the children of the family but some things die hard.

Over the weekend my wife and I had the good fortune to visit the home of another inter-racial couple who are good friends of my daughter and her fiancé. There were some other folks there that had come to the US from Ghana. We were warmly welcomed and treated very kindly by everyone. We shared drinks and conversation, struggling a bit with the various accents, but laughing and having a good time. There was one impassioned conversation with a guy who has his own heating and air conditioning business. He has been in this country for quite a long time and is doing pretty well. He blames a lot of the difficulty in his homeland on the lack of opportunities in obtaining an education and in the tendency for the government to be like an overly benevolent parent while at the same time making it extremely difficult for people to establish a free economy. He said it is easier to become a minister and establish a church in Ghana than it is to start up a business. He claimed that the lack of education and jobs have created a constant flow of the brightest and most ambitious people away from their country. The result is a constant cycle of poverty from generation to generation. He also said that the efforts of expatriates to help the situation usually turn into non-productive give-away programs that bring in some material goods but no real improvements in education or job creation. So we had good conversation on that subject and many others. Arguments were friendly and never acrimonious. At the end of the evening photographs were taken of everyone and we left there feeling pretty good about our future son-in-law and the difficult journey he took to gain a better life.

So as we learn more and spend more time with those people and other people of color we find ourselves less conscious of differences and more aware of the things we have in common. We know there are black people who are as prejudiced as any hardcore white supremacist in the country. And there are many more people of all races who have an underlying, basic mistrust and possibly fear of those who are different from themselves. But I think that the answer might be in the increase of racially mixed marriages and families. A dilution of racial separateness can’t be bad. Children brought up in families with varying shades of skin colors will have a tougher time disliking people on that basis alone. Intermingling of cultures will lead to greater understanding. Traditions can be maintained but they can also be shared. Like most big changes these will take time and will usually involve one family at a time. We, therefore, are happy to be part of the movement and invite you all to join us.

Have a fine day.