MARRIAGE: How It Works August 23, 2009
In less than a week my dear wife and I will be celebrating forty years of married life. Thank you for the applause and yes I know it’s all for her. With that kind of track record I feel that I can make a few observations and maybe even give some advice. You all can tell me to take a flying leap. It’s all relative. I’ve written on this subject before and the feedback has been somewhat silent so everyone must think I’m right. Or everyone is being kind and just feeling sorry for my long suffering wife. Whatever, I’m started on this so I’ll continue.
Everyone knows that marriage is hard and requires constant work, is a two way street, is a co-operative effort, is a thing that needs compromises, is built on trust as much as love. That covers most of the standard clichés, I think. Oh yeah, and for a marriage to work well the guy has to remember to lower the damn toilet seat. All of that is true. I suppose there are other things involved and I can think of a couple more clichés. Never go to bed angry at each other. Share more than your bed. Make time to rekindle those old feelings and really listen to each other. Blah, blah, blah.
All of that stuff is really fine advice until you hit one of those impasses involving the decision to buy a new bass boat or take that thirtieth anniversary special vacation. If things can’t be worked out then the result will be two unhappy people that don’t talk to each other for a few months. Let’s just say that I still don’t have the boat and we’ve been on a few special vacations. But the right thing to do is to learn from these kinds of little bumps in the road which come up from time to time. I’m a slow learner, but after forty years I have a better understanding of that fact.
I see couples who have been married for many years who just aren’t happy. Some men forget the girl they married and think the woman living with them is a servant, housemaid, cook and satisfier of his baser urges. By the same measure some women forget the young man they married and think the guy living with them is a big jerk. They may be right, especially if he’s one of those guys in the first example. I know that some men are saddled with women who become nagging harpies. But if they think back a few years they’ll see that some dumb series of actions led to the alienation of their wives. It may not really be true that men are the most frequent causes of failed marriages but in my experience they contribute to the statistics more than women. I’ve seen more guys ignore their wives, fail to listen to their wives and fail to appreciate their wives than vice versa. They may still have their wife living in the house but she’s not really there. Again, I speak from experience. There was a time in our married life when I was headed down the path of dumb actions. Fortunately my wife forced me to listen to her and things gradually got squared away. Since that dark time we have become a good team.
Speaking of teamwork, men blather on and on about that subject. They criticize lack of teamwork on sports teams and in the workplace. They fondly remember the one great team they were on that almost won the big championship. But they somehow fail to see the benefits of teamwork in their own marriage. Kind of dumb, don’t you think?
So what’s the point of this rambling discourse? I guess I’m bragging in a way. And in another way I’m trying to offer some advice. But the real reason for this thing is that our fortieth anniversary is coming up and I was thinking about how fortunate I am. And I guess that’s reason enough.
Have a fine day.
In less than a week my dear wife and I will be celebrating forty years of married life. Thank you for the applause and yes I know it’s all for her. With that kind of track record I feel that I can make a few observations and maybe even give some advice. You all can tell me to take a flying leap. It’s all relative. I’ve written on this subject before and the feedback has been somewhat silent so everyone must think I’m right. Or everyone is being kind and just feeling sorry for my long suffering wife. Whatever, I’m started on this so I’ll continue.
Everyone knows that marriage is hard and requires constant work, is a two way street, is a co-operative effort, is a thing that needs compromises, is built on trust as much as love. That covers most of the standard clichés, I think. Oh yeah, and for a marriage to work well the guy has to remember to lower the damn toilet seat. All of that is true. I suppose there are other things involved and I can think of a couple more clichés. Never go to bed angry at each other. Share more than your bed. Make time to rekindle those old feelings and really listen to each other. Blah, blah, blah.
All of that stuff is really fine advice until you hit one of those impasses involving the decision to buy a new bass boat or take that thirtieth anniversary special vacation. If things can’t be worked out then the result will be two unhappy people that don’t talk to each other for a few months. Let’s just say that I still don’t have the boat and we’ve been on a few special vacations. But the right thing to do is to learn from these kinds of little bumps in the road which come up from time to time. I’m a slow learner, but after forty years I have a better understanding of that fact.
I see couples who have been married for many years who just aren’t happy. Some men forget the girl they married and think the woman living with them is a servant, housemaid, cook and satisfier of his baser urges. By the same measure some women forget the young man they married and think the guy living with them is a big jerk. They may be right, especially if he’s one of those guys in the first example. I know that some men are saddled with women who become nagging harpies. But if they think back a few years they’ll see that some dumb series of actions led to the alienation of their wives. It may not really be true that men are the most frequent causes of failed marriages but in my experience they contribute to the statistics more than women. I’ve seen more guys ignore their wives, fail to listen to their wives and fail to appreciate their wives than vice versa. They may still have their wife living in the house but she’s not really there. Again, I speak from experience. There was a time in our married life when I was headed down the path of dumb actions. Fortunately my wife forced me to listen to her and things gradually got squared away. Since that dark time we have become a good team.
Speaking of teamwork, men blather on and on about that subject. They criticize lack of teamwork on sports teams and in the workplace. They fondly remember the one great team they were on that almost won the big championship. But they somehow fail to see the benefits of teamwork in their own marriage. Kind of dumb, don’t you think?
So what’s the point of this rambling discourse? I guess I’m bragging in a way. And in another way I’m trying to offer some advice. But the real reason for this thing is that our fortieth anniversary is coming up and I was thinking about how fortunate I am. And I guess that’s reason enough.
Have a fine day.
2 comments:
I knew it all along that deep down you are a very caring person.
Thank God for Saint Linda.
Happy Anniversary and here is to many many more.
That is one of the most sensitive pieces I've seen you write. Are you sure Linda didn't put this one together for you?
There are two things quite evident from your entry. One is that woman you live with is a saint for putting up with you for forty years. Two is she is a very lucky lady to have you. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU BOTH!
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