REPRODUCTION

Are there more babies around lately or is it just me noticing them in light of an arrival due in July in our family? No, I think there is a whole bunch of reproducing going on. Today on a trip to the grocery store I counted four relatively new babies, two toddlers and one extremely bratty kid that looked like he could be in kindergarten. In addition to that there were three ladies in a noticeable stage of pregnancy.

You would think that tough economic times would slow down the rate of baby producing, but the changes are not that drastic. Even during the Great Depression the percentage of population growth was only off by a small factor when compared to years of prosperity. So now, during these so called “hard times”, babies are still coming along at a steady rate. The exercise of birth control methods can be a selective thing and it would seem that quite a lot of couples are selecting to put them aside.

The young mothers I’m seeing aren’t that young either. Many of the ladies hauling kids around in those strap contraptions and baby carriers seem to be in their mid to late thirties. And there are a good many that have moved into their forties. My ancient generation had pretty much gotten all that baby making out of the way by the time we reached our early thirties. And after the kids came along we more or less gave up the activities that lead to more kids. Well, maybe that’s not true in all cases. Now we see gray haired couples watching their kids move into middle school. When high school graduation comes along they’re using walkers with oxygen bottles hanging off the front. And if they make it to their kids’ college graduation they are probably pushed into the audience in a wheelchair. There’ll be a whole generation of couples who won’t be around to see their grandchildren get their high school diplomas.

My wife and I might make that goal. Our grandkids will hit high school starting in about five years. Of course there are several years between kids so we need to live quite a bit longer, probably twenty years or so. There’s a challenge.

All these babies must be coming from somewhere. I suppose the basic biology involved in the process hasn’t changed since I was involved. But with all the new technological innovations of the past thirty years it may have. I know that there are new medical things that can help children be born to couples that wouldn’t have had a chance in the past. Sometimes, actually most times when I see these test tube babies with their parents, I think it was better when nature had a larger hand in things than medicine. “In-vitro” and “Sperm Donor” and “Surrogate Mother” are all terms that I barely understand and I surely am glad we didn’t have them back in those old days. We got our allotted two kids and that was good. If we had access to all those technologies we might have had fourteen kids like that nut job out in California. But then again that probably wouldn’t have happened. In those days disposable diapers were pretty new and kind of like wrapping a baby’s butt in tree bark. So the idea of keeping cloth diapers clean for fourteen kids in a row is pretty scary and enough to stop all bedroom action.

Getting all the gear for a new baby is a daunting task. Cribs, strollers, car seats, high chairs, swings, carriers and the like add up to a small fortune. Then there’s all the little bitty clothing and accessories that go with all the other gear. After that you have to think about the feeding apparatus and a safe play environment. Even if a woman uses her natural feeding appliances she still will need other things if she goes back to work. That can get tricky with special pumps and bottles being required. I started adding up the costs of all this stuff and I figured that it would take a pretty big cut from Mr. Obama’s stimulus money to equip an average couple starting a family.

Maybe that’s why baby showers are such a big deal. Some women, my youngest daughter for instance, have more than one of those events. They have a shower involving family and close hometown friends and then have another involving people from work. And some of the showers are attended by both men and women. My wife and I have been invited to the work and social friend shower over where my daughter lives. It’s known as a “Jack and Jill” baby shower. Those things weren’t invented when my wife was expecting. Back then a group of female relatives and friends would get together and play some silly games, eat cake and hand over a few presents. This “Jack and Jill” affair is going to be a brunch with fancy foods and lots of booze. The only thing that will resemble an old fashioned baby shower is the business of giving gifts. It will be interesting to see how much sports equipment will be wrapped up for the new baby by the guys coming to this party. I’ll bet she’ll get at least one tennis racket and a catcher’s mitt.

All this baby producing is a big source of commercial activity. It’s probably doing more good for the economy than the GM bailout. If a lot of babies are arriving then it’s not hard imagining all those factories and mills gearing up to produce more stuff. And all kinds of retail businesses benefit from selling the goods that are manufactured. Then there’s the boost from the medical side of baby production. And there has got to be millions of dollars in all the advice books and videos that are sold to new parents. So having babies is good for the economy and good for America. The population control people are always telling us to use condoms and birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. (Not me personally of course.) They obviously don’t own stock in “Babies Are Us” or “Dr. Denton’s” or “Graco”. Maybe they own stock in “Trojan” or something.

Anyway, I’m going to keep an eye on this proliferation of production of human replacement units. My mother used to say if a lot of boy babies are born it’s a sign that a war will be coming along in about eighteen to twenty years. She didn’t have any special information about what was coming if a lot of girl babies are born. I would predict that if a lot of girls are born then there’ll be a lot more babies being born in twenty years or so. And if there are a lot of women added to the population then the men won’t have time to start wars. They’ll be too busy making babies.

Have a fine day.