THE COFFEE CLUB: A Short Story

The four men were perched on the undersized seats that are favored by donut shops throughout the land. Steaming cups of coffee were cooling in front of them and a napkin spread out on the table held four donuts. Each of the men knew without asking which donut the others would reach for. They had been meeting at this donut place for almost three years, five days a week, and they were all creatures of habit. Their morning coffee club would expand and contract with the addition and subtraction of peripheral members but these four were the constant core of the group.

The men all had gray hair, some thicker than the others, and they all had other things in common. All four of them were retired, married and well aware of the world they lived in. Archie was the oldest, a spry and curmudgeonly eighty four year old. He had been retired from the railroad for nineteen years and bragged every day about how he had outsmarted the actuaries in the company’s pension fund. Bill was either seventy five or seventy eight. He had a strange fixation about not revealing his exact age. He would admit that his birthday was on the fourth of July and that his wife was only sixty five but that was it in the age department. He had worked at the auto plant up in the northern part of the state and had been retired either ten, thirteen or fifteen years depending on which age and retirement date he was admitting to on any given day. Jerome was not the youngest of the group, but he looked and acted much younger than his sixty nine years. Al, who was the youngest at sixty two, seemed tired and worn out and older even than Archie. Jerome was a retired high school teacher who did a little writing for the local newspaper. Al had retired when he was sixty after forty years of selling cars.

The daily meeting for coffee and donuts had begun when Archie broke away from a group of men and women who had been meeting at a nearby Burger King. He had developed an affection for one of the ladies in the group and his wife had gotten word through some of her friends at church that something might be going on. Archie contended that it was just an innocent friendship and didn’t even involve meeting the lady privately, although it had crossed his mind. Even though he was eighty four he couldn’t seem to control his wandering eyes and imagination. But his wife kicked up enough fuss to cause Archie to make the donut shop his new coffee place. One morning he noticed Jerome sitting nearby and he struck up a conversation. Then Bill, who had known Archie casually from the Legion post, started coming to the donut store. Archie invited him to sit at the table. About a year later Al entered the donut store and announced to everyone in the place, none of whom he knew, that he had been forced into retirement that very morning and he wanted to join a coffee club, any coffee club, so that he would have some reason to get up in morning. Jerome, being a kindly and sensitive fellow, invited Al to join them and that was the way the club had formed.

Other men (Archie insisted that women sit elsewhere so he wouldn’t have any temptations) would join the group for a while and then move on. The discussions every morning were lively. The news and weather of the day would start things off and be the stimulus for a wide range of subjects. As election seasons ebbed and flowed so did political discussion. Religious opining was allowed as long as no one started preaching or trying to convert others. One man had been excommunicated from the group after only three days because of his attempts to preach the cause of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Personal problems were talked about in the most general of terms and usually involved opinions about women, marriage and men’s health. The opinions expressed were as different as the personalities of each of the club’s members. Arguments could be heated but they were always civil. Language was fairly refined and all the guys were respectful towards the employees and customers of the shop. The club moved through the years without any broadening of the time that the members spent with each other. They were all friends but the morning meetings were a separate and distinct part of their lives.

On a cold January morning after a few topics had been bandied about Archie noticed that Al was not contributing much to the discussion. This was particularly odd since one of the news items being talked about was the state of the auto industry and Al was always vocal when his former business was any part of the subject matter. So Archie asked Al why he had no opinion about the decline of American car makers. Al said that he had other more important things on his mind. Normally that would have stopped the inquiry and other subjects would be brought up to move the conversation away from anything too deeply personal. But for some reason Jerome felt that he needed to explore Al’s reticence further and he asked what important thing it was that had quieted the usually vociferous group member. Al said that he had been to the doctor the day before and had gotten some results for tests that were done a few days earlier. He said these were all follow up tests to a series completed about ten days ago. The results of all the tests weren’t good, he continued, and that was what was keeping him preoccupied.

Archie wasn’t happy with Jerome for opening this highly personal conversation. It was against club traditions and, besides that, it made him very uncomfortable. But Jerome went on and asked what the tests were for and what kind of results came out of them. Al said that the tests originally were to check for the cause of his persistent anemia. But when the first tests came in there were signs of some other serious blood disorder. Then the second series confirmed the first and now Al knew he had a rare form of blood cancer. The worst part of the news was that there was no cure and no treatment available. Jerome, although dismayed by what he had heard so far, went a little further and asked about bone marrow transplants or transfusions or chemotherapy. Al told him that all of those things were not effective against his particular ailment so he wasn’t going to bother even trying them. It was quiet at the table as each of the men considered the news about Al. So much personal information in so short a time had changed the way they thought about their little group. Jerome wanted to ask Al if he had gotten an estimate on how much time he had left, but he didn’t want to upset everyone any further. Archie seemed particularly disturbed and started to make a few statements but then stopped himself, unable to find the words he wanted to use. Finally he said “Well I ain’t going to your damn funeral if it’s scheduled at coffee club time.”

They all looked at Al and when he burst out with his deep and rumbling laugh they laughed with him. Bill suggested that they all make a pact to be sure that all of their funeral plans took in to account coffee time so that no conflicts would occur. They all agreed to the pact and since it was time to go, they all went their separate ways.

The next morning all of the men arrived at the usual time in their usual order. The news and weather were handled quickly. Then Al said he had some ideas about how the club should handle the demise of any of the members. He said that since it looked like he would be the first to go that he should have the greatest input on the protocols. “First of all” he said “no one should feel that he needs to attend any of the funerals of any club member. Secondly, whoever is planning on croaking next needs to find a replacement for himself and get the replacement approved before the croaker can no longer attend the meetings. And finally, there should be no morose talk or namby-pamby crap after the initial announcement was made.” Everyone thought that those were fine protocols and they were adopted with a voice vote. Then Archie raised a question about a sudden departure from this life. He asked what the procedure would be if one of them was killed in a car accident or had a massive heart attack. Bill suggested that they recruit new members from the various peripheral participants, always emphasizing to the new guys the importance of maintaining the core membership of four men. That was considered to be a good idea and all four of the guys agreed. As they broke up the meeting Jerome asked Al when he would be bringing in his replacement and Al said “Really soon.”

On the Monday of the following week Al showed up looking paler and more tired than he ever had. And, as required by the newly approved protocols, he had a new man with him. When all of the club members had put their coffee and donuts on the table Al introduced his friend Edwin. Then the daily discussions of weather and news began and the conversation branched off into several other areas. Nothing further was said about Al’s illness. At the end of the week when the original four members were leaving Al shook hands all around and said to Edwin, “Don’t let me down here. These guys are important to me.” That was the last time Al came to a meeting.

Two weeks later at the regular morning session Edwin told the other three members that Al had died and the funeral was scheduled for the following Monday afternoon. Archie said that he was tied up on Monday. Bill also said he couldn’t attend. Edwin said he had to attend because he was one of the pallbearers. And Jerome said he would be there. On the day after the funeral Jerome brought up the subject of death and funerals. Archie tried to steer the conversation away from that subject bringing up all kinds of ideas that would have normally stirred a heated debate. But Jerome in his quiet, patient way would not be deterred. He asked Archie why the subject was so hard for him to discuss. “Are you afraid of death, Archie?” Archie replied “No I’m not afraid of death or even of dying. What I’m bothered by are all the damn events leading up to it. That and the stupid idea of having to talk it all over a thousand damn times are what irritate the heck out of me.” He went on to tell the little group that dying was usually a messy business. There were hospitals and people stretched out hooked up to tubes and machines. There were all kinds of do-gooders trying to make everything seem natural and peaceful. Meanwhile every time one of the machines went haywire all the doctors and nurses would rush in and do all kinds of stuff to keep the poor patient alive even though they knew it was all over. Archie got a little quieter when he said “If dying was just a matter of getting into bed and closing my eyes I’d volunteer today or maybe in a couple of weeks. But it doesn’t work that way most of the time.”

Edwin said that it was a nice funeral anyway. Jerome agreed. Then Bill, who had been pretty quiet during all these exchanges, said that all this talk was against the protocols of the club which Al had proposed and to which everyone had agreed. Then he mentioned that the weather guys were calling for a big storm later in the week and asked if anyone thought the highway crews were prepared. A lively discussion followed the question.

Have a fine day.