Senior Activities

Friends and neighbors I have heard some disparaging comments lately.  It seems that some people (you know who you are) think that retired guys don’t do much as they plod through their declining years.  Some people are spreading false rumors, accusing those of us who have worked and struggled for many years, earning the right of retirement, of being lazy and useless.  Well friends, I’m here to tell you that those people (ingrates) are wrong and with a few well-ordered paragraphs I’ll prove my case.

First I’ll address this notion that we are useless.  Why just last week my dear wife planted the seed of an idea that I developed into a new technology which I’ll be offering to the big players in the software/hardware industry.  This could make millions and I’m sharing the idea with you, trusting that you won’t steal it.  My wife was discussing the problems some of her co-workers have with nighttime disorders that are medically dangerous.  She opined that it was a shame someone couldn’t think of some simple solution to the problem.  It’s fortunate that I was paying attention at the time because I immediately hit on an idea.  Why not find a way to use the ever present personal communication devices to solve the problems.  A little more thinking brought me to this – the Sleep App Neuro-Emitter-Amplifier.  Yes, the SleepAppNEA!  A simple change in the hardware of IPhones could add a little sensor and a lead wire.  The phone would then be programmed to sense when a person suffering from Sleep Apnia is not breathing in a regular fashion.  At that moment a neurological signal would pass through the transmitting wire giving the patient a jolt that would re-establish normal breathing.  This new phone could be clipped to one’s pajamas or, if the patient doesn’t wear those binding garments, it could be affixed to the skin with hypo-allergenic adhesive tape.  Useless?  I don’t think so.  I’ve spent many hours thinking about this and I’m sure it’s a viable idea.  SLEEPAPPNEA – A New Solution!

I spend a lot of time coming up with great ideas like the one outlined above.  I’m very sure that other retired folks, especially the guys, spend much of their valuable time considering ways to make life better for all mankind.  Some of the ideas they’ve come up with may already be in use.  I have it on good authority that “Swiffer” mops, Keurig coffee makers and squirt guns that shoot soap bubbles were all invented by retired people in those quiet thinking moments. 

Now I need to address the idea that retired people are lazy.  In fact, besides the hours that I spend thinking, doing household chores and writing, I also help keep hundreds of people busy and in jobs that pay well.  And even better, these folks work all over the world not just here in the good old USA.  Yes I’m talking about telemarketers.  I’m here at home all day and I’m always ready and willing to give those fine members of the work force a chance to tell me what they’re selling.  It stands to reason that if they had no one to talk to then they’d soon be out looking for a job.  Now I’ll admit that I don’t buy anything from these people.  My dear wife keeps far too tight a hold on the family purse strings for me to start buying insurance, siding, windows or medical alert systems.  But those callers are only interested in completing a call because other people do the actual selling.  I also admit that I sometimes get bored with the usual sales pitches and consequently will play with the earnest employees.  I might ask them where they’re sitting.  I might say that they have twenty seconds to make their pitch and then hang up after only eighteen seconds.  One caller a couple days ago asked if I would verify that the line she called on was, in fact, my assigned number.  I told her no and asked her to call me back on a different number.  I gave her Joe Biden’s.  Yes I have Joe’s number.  I am a Delawarean after all.  Once in a while I’ll let the caller go all the way to the end of their set of questions, answering just the way he or she wants me to and when he gets to the part where a sales appointment would be made, I hang up.  They really hate that one.  I know because more than one has called back to try and finish the deal.  I act like I never heard of them.  So now you see that I’m not only busy but I’m good for the economy.

I’m closing this up now.  The phone’s ringing and Mr. Obama is counting on me to do my share.

Have a fine day.