Mental Maps

A friend of mine referenced (On Facebook which I’ll mention later on) a recent article in the New York Times about some research that indicates that using GPS systems may cause folks to lose their ability to find their way around on their own. In the words of my grandson – well duh! The more I read about research projects like this the more I think the funding agencies should just send me a subject and a whole bunch of cash and I’ll just tell them what the research results will look like.

For a short time I used the GPS system that came with the car we bought. I cancelled the service when the trial period was up and not just because it was too expensive to continue. No, I cancelled it because it was messing up my own impeccable sense of direction. On one trip my wife and I were traveling through Philadelphia. I know my way around that town but I was using the GPS to see if that massive computer system would find a shorter, quicker way to our destination. Not only did the thing send us on a longer, slower route than the one I had planned in my head but it also sent us into an area that was torn up with construction and populated by unsavory characters that scared my wife into dialing a 9 and a 1 on her cell phone. That way she’d be only a single digit away from alerting the police to trouble. As soon as I stopped depending on the electronic map gadget I got out of the dangerous territory and on our way to our destination in no time at all.

Many of my friends and family members rely on their GPS machines all the time. They won’t go to the grocery store a mile away without turning the things on. Of course, some of my friends and relatives had trouble getting to the grocery store before the GPS was invented. They always seemed to have to stop in at one bar or another to get directions. But even the ones that could find their way would probably have trouble now if their electronic directional nannies broke down.

The same friend of mine who pointed out the GPS research article wondered if an electronic mapping guide couldn’t be invented for working your way through other complicated parts of life. He suggested some sort of positioning guide for marriages, careers or raising kids. Perhaps a wrist watch type instrument could be worn that would warn a husband to keep his mouth shut when the wife asks him if he thinks she’s putting on weight. Or maybe parents could have the same kind of device talking them through the minefield of sex education with their little puberty bound offspring. Come to think of it, those might be a lot more useful than the one that tells you to turn left in one mile.

But I really don’t think more electronics would be better. In fact so much of the interaction between humans is digital that it almost seems unnatural having a face to face conversation. Facebook, Twitter and all those other substitutes for real talking are getting more and more pervasive every year. Now, I admit that I do use Facebook. And I also admit that it has been a good way to re-connect with family and friends and it has also brought some fine new friends into my life. But I don’t text. I don’t tweet. In fact I’d be embarrassed to even say that I tweeted. It just sounds so dang silly. If you listen to people (usually young folks) who depend on text devices as they engage in regular conversation they sound uncomfortable and oddly disjointed. They seem to have lost the ability to use adjectives and adverbs. And their nouns and verbs are short and punctuated by lapses of intelligible sounds. But maybe I’m just a codger and I wouldn’t understand those youngsters even if they weren’t addicted to abbreviations on glowing screens.

But let me go back to GPS device for a minute. If we become so dependent on those things then what will happen if there’s a major crash of the internet or the national electrical grids? Thousands of senior citizens won’t be able to find their way back home from Florida in spring time. There’ll be huge traffic jams all over the place. Wives will be screaming at husbands as wrong turns are made over and over again. Marriages will fail right and left. (Sorry) But I have a suggestion that can help folks keep their internal mapping abilities sharp. If you’re planning a trip, short or long, take a look at a paper map, jot down a directional note or two and go. Leave the GPS off, or, better yet leave it at home. Then tell everyone about your accomplishment (assuming you made it to your destination) which will make them very envious and ready to out do you on their next journey. In no time at all folks will be in competition every time they travel. IQ scores will rise. SAT scores will be higher than ever as young people try to outsmart their elders. Politicians might even get smarter and figure a way out of the messes we’re in.

Okay, this is where I should probably put in a summary and a nice little encouraging message. But since all of you people are giving up on GPS machines you’re smart enough to fill in this space yourselves.

Now, go find your own way to a fine day.