INVASION OF PRIVACY

It’s over one more time. You’d think that the inside of your digestive tract would be off limits to the prying eye of a video camera, but it isn’t. They knock you out with drugs and then stick a camera up your butt and push it way, way in there until it bumps into your small intestine. It may be a miracle of modern medicine but it feels like the ultimate invasion of privacy to me.

This is the third time I’ve had the lovely procedure and I must say that it has improved over the years. The first probing I got was done in a hospital, on a bed that moved like one of those weird exercise devices. with no anesthesia. That one involved some kind of balloon and some pumped air. I also got to watch the TV screen as things moved along.

The second procedure I went through was a little better. There was a general anesthesia and no video game to watch. The bad part about that one was the puking when I was coming out of the drug induced torpor. And the lethargy was so great that I slept for about twenty four hours after I got home. Today wasn’t so bad. There was no puking and I feel fairly wide awake, although I could probably stand a little nap.

Preparation for the ordeal has also improved. The first time the preparation involved some pills and a series of very unpleasant enemas. The second was a little better consisting of fewer pills and a decidedly nasty drink that almost made me sick. Yesterday it was a few little pills and some powder mixed in Gatorade. The Gatorade took on a slightly slimy consistency when mixed with the powder but it wasn’t impossible to get down. Although sixty four ounces of the stuff was a bit much and I don’t want to see Gatorade again anytime soon.

When I was in the waiting room before the procedure the TV was on CNN. The talking heads were thoroughly trashing the American health care system and blatantly promoting the crap that Obama and his minions are trying to foist upon the country. I thought that that was the height of irony. Here I was, a late middle aged retired guy on his wife’s moderately good insurance plan, waiting in a modern medical facility for a technologically advanced test that could lead to life saving treatment if it was necessary.

There were a few folks in the waiting room and being kind of an obnoxious jerk (my wife’s description) I took an informal poll. I asked each of the people there how they were paying for this procedure. Two elderly citizens said that Medicaid (or Medicare, I get them mixed up) was taking care of the bill. Two others said they had insurance through employers. And one middle aged lady said she was getting some other kind of assistance. I also asked them how long they had to wait to get an appointment. The general consensus was “not long enough”. According to the CNN “reporters” our country ranks somewhere below Saudi Arabia and Indonesia in overall health care. We have a shorter life expectancy, poorer infant mortality, greater risk of death in childbirth and on and on. The slanting of those facts and figures was so patently obvious that I started ranting at the screen. Unsubstantiated studies, small samples, relying on the statistics gathered by UN agencies all contributed to the so called news report. The pure disdain and vitriol that the reporters showed towards a couple of dissenting experts was embarrassing. If I happened to be an expert in anything I would never lend my expertise to programs emanating from CNN, MSNBC or any major networks.

Anyway, my little audience was saved from further harangues when I was called in for my procedure. I was instructed to partially disrobe, put on one of those dopy gowns and lie down. Then a very pleasant nurse hooked me up to some monitors and installed an IV which would be used for the anesthesia. A few minutes later my rolling bed was rolled into the “operating” room. A doctor, who was from in Sarajevo by the way, introduced himself as my knock out guy. He did a little questioning and a little exam. While I was waiting for the other Doctor I asked the anesthesiologist why he came to the USA to practice medicine. He just laughed. Then the actual butt doctor came in. He was born and raised in India. Then I was put to sleep.

Modern anesthesia is an amazing thing. We occasionally hear about things going wrong but it is truly a rare occurrence. Back in the days of ether a patient was as likely to die from the administration of the anesthesia as from the disease or medical problem being treated. A skilled doctor can use modern drugs to put a patient to sleep, or to numb a part of the body, and then bring them back again with little or no ill effect. Science Fiction has become applied science in many areas.

Well, I woke up about twenty minutes later. I was wheeled out into a recovery area and offered a Diet Coke. Within another twenty minutes my wife was driving me home. Hopefully this exploration and the biopsy of a few minor polyps won’t raise any issues of concern. But I’m thankful to be living in a country where these kinds of things are available. And in spite of the claims of those who say there are millions of folks who are “slipping through the cracks” of the system, or "walking around without insurance", I believe that a real honest appraisal would find those numbers are totally false or at least greatly exaggerated. And I invite those same critics, when they need a medical procedure, to head for some of the countries they look up to so much to see if they can be treated as well, or as fairly, as we are in our country.

Have a fine day.