A POLITICAL STATE OF MIND

Yesterday I was in the local library and I decided to catch up on my political awareness. I admit I had stopped paying attention for a time, only listening to snippets of talk radio as I drove around on my various missions. So at the library I grabbed the latest Newsweek, Time, The New York Times, National Review, Weekly Standard, Washington Times and Popular Mechanics. My intention was to do a non-biased review of political issues and also to learn about the cool new prototype muscle cars powered by helium.

It would seem that the big issues of the day are health care reform (still), a new and improved stimulus package, the war in Afghanistan, global warming, President Obama’s Nobel Prize, swine flu and problems in the Middle East. Excluding Popular Mechanics the reporting on the issues was slanted pretty much in a predictable way. The big newspapers did some fairly objective stories. Unfortunately those stories had nothing to do with the issues I listed. The two supposedly objective news magazines were slanted decidedly in favor of the current administration’s positions. The two magazines that admit to being purveyors of conservative commentary actually seemed to have better fact checking and objective presentation of the issues than either the news magazines or newspapers. So studying articles on both sides of the political spectrum concerning all those big issues I’ve come to some conclusions.

My first conclusion is that the amount of hot air being generated in Washington, DC and other political enclaves is at a higher level than ever before. I’ve also concluded that news reporters are as conceited, opinionated and wrong as most of the politicians they support. Also, the war on terror and the war in Afghanistan have turned into political messes that bodes no good for the people fighting those wars or for the welfare of our country. When politicians look at a real and dangerous situation and start talking out of both sides of their mouths then we know the situation is only going to get worse. There is no commitment on the part of the politicians in power to win these wars. So we might as well bring the troops home and let the chips fall where they may.

Health care “reform” as envisioned by the current administration is going to happen and at a cost that will certainly hurt the country in the long run. Another huge bureaucracy will be created which will issue all kinds of edicts and fiats that will cost billions of dollars more than have already been forecast and which will get involved more and more in the personal decision making process of individual citizens. As a friend of mine from the mountains says, “It’ll be a stone ground mess.”

The “Swine Flu” panic of 2009 is in full swing. The government ordered the production and distribution of the vaccine which seems to have been somewhat delayed. Maybe the pharmaceutical companies making the stuff are worried about slow payment for their output. They do have the slow paying example of the “cash for clunkers” program as a model of government expertise. But the media drives the panic on. Some of my relatives have been hit by the bug. They’re all coming along okay. It wasn’t a nice experience for them but they treated it properly and overcame both the illness and the government driven anxiety. I’m sure it isn’t an intentionally induced panic. It’s just an issue that politicians can make a lot of noise about, furiously enact laws that make no sense whatsoever, get plenty of time in front of the cameras and then take credit for whipping the pandemic by their heroic actions. It’s a huge crock of b.s.

Global warming is a constant presence in the press. No matter how many legitimate scientists question the data being used to support the supposition that global warming is the biggest problem facing humanity the juggernaut keeps moving along. The arrogance of the people pushing the issue is huge. The amount of money involved is even bigger than that arrogance. From a common sense perspective it would seem that if there is such a problem then it would be best to allow legitimate market forces to devise solutions. When confronted with a big problem, and when left alone, markets have a way of creating ways of addressing problems so that there is an economic advantage to the problem solvers. So if the government identifies a problem with air pollution or green house gases as a possible cause of possible climate change (And government might have a legitimate role in identifying those kinds of things) then research and development will begin to find ways to get rid of those gases or pollutants because there will be an economic advantage to the entrepreneurs that come up with solutions. But the current method of addressing these still unproven problems is to turn to the politicians. They make a great deal of noise, create study panels and commissions, make foolish laws that will spend billions of dollars on more giant bureaucracies and, in the end, accomplish nothing that makes sense.

The Middle East problems are things that won’t go away no matter how many Nobel Prize winners get involved. I’m just a private citizen with no knowledge of the intricacies of diplomacy or international relations. What I can glean from several different news sources, the internet and readings from history is that these problems are cultural, long standing and compounded by the proliferation of atomic and other modern weapons. The factions are almost tribal in nature and fanatically religious in their backgrounds. The US needs some resources that the area possesses, since we refuse to utilize our own resources, so we are involved in the area. Of course a simple and logical solution would be for us to support the acquisition of resources in our own hemisphere, develop other types of resources and get the hell out of the Middle East. But that isn’t going to happen. So the other solution would be to really exercise our power, disarm or destroy the enemies we have in the region and set up proper controls for a peaceful government. But that isn’t going to happen either. We will just continue to have problems in the Middle East. Politicians will continue to talk, pose for the cameras, decry the ongoing violence and head to Oslo every once in a while to pick up a big check and a medal. Or it may all one day blow up when one of those dictators over there starts throwing atomic weapons around and the whole region collapses into a pile of radioactive dust.

One other issue that the big newspapers and newsmagazines seem to treat very lightly, if at all, is the proliferation of appointees to the current administration who are given great latitude in the exercise of executive power. These officials are not governed by the checks and balances of any congressional review or oversight, not that congress would be skilful in rooting out any bad people or incompetents. But a number of these “czars” have been found to be somewhat questionable in their backgrounds and their loyalty to the Constitution and our form of government. The only part of the media that seems to be going after these miscreants with any dedication is Fox News and the folks in talk radio. In fact the administration has been so irritated by the efforts to expose the corruption in its ranks that it has taken up a policy of attacking and trying to discredit the critics. Even some of the most left-leaning media outlets have mentioned the little spat, usually taking the side of the administration. But others have chided the administration on its attacks on the principles of the First Amendment. That might be a sign of hope but I doubt it.

Well I’m all caught up now on the political scene. Nothing much has changed in the weeks of my absence; same old problems, same old lack of solutions. So I’m going to leave the monkeys in Washington to their own devices for another week or two. I’ll still send the weekly emails to our guys in the Senate and House along with one to the Vice President and the leaders of both chambers. They’ve gotten pretty general lately. Mostly I just tell them “Don’t do any damn thing because it will cost us too much money!” I rarely get any reply. In fact I don’t even get form letters any more. But at election time they’ll all be hearing from me again when I try to help vote them out of office.

Have a fine day.

MID-NIGHT RAMBLINGS

The blurry red numbers on the alarm clock just silently announced that it is 3:12 AM on this Wednesday morning. Since I haven’t put my glasses on I need to squint mightily to bring the numbers into focus. I can’t sleep. My dear wife breathes the breath of quiet and righteous dreams here beside me. The road noise on the nearby highway is surprisingly loud and active for this usually peaceful hour.

When I can’t sleep I get up and head out to the living room, stopping for a brief visit to the bathroom. A quick scan of the street through the front windows reveals that all is quiet, as it should be. Then I go to the kitchen for a glass of water and a couple of Tylenol. I wander around the dark house for a while waiting for the Tylenol to ease the usual aches and pains.

Then I decide that it would be a good idea to go into the family room and sit down at the computer. Flipping on the light I log on and check the email. Nothing is there so I check in at Facebook. Not surprisingly nothing is happening on the site. Normal folks are sleeping. So I log off the internet and bring up the word processing program. I stare at the white screen for a while. Then I look at a couple of the things that I’m working on that are on hold for various reasons. No new ideas to move these pieces along come to mind so I go back to a blank screen.

These are the hours of the night when thoughts can easily stray to the big questions of life. What does it all mean? How much time do I have left? Is God listening? Why should he? I’m probably boring Him with this kind of crap. So tonight I’m resisting the deep and dark, moody and angst filled pondering. But when I try to think of some amusing little story to tell I come up blank. My poetic muse is equally silent. This sucks. Some nights I can knock out a story or a couple of pieces of poetry and in the process get tired enough to go back to bed and sleep for a couple more hours.

So I grab one of he books I’m reading this week. I need something interesting enough to keep my mind focused but dull enough to tire me out fairly quickly. “A Brief History of Canada” is my choice. I’m at the part where the English have taken over the Canadian colonies from France and the French folks are really pissed and scared at the same time. Nothing much has changed up there in two hundred and fifty years or so. About the time the English have backed off on trying to make all those Frenchies into tea drinking, umbrella carrying replicas of the folks back in London, I realize that my ancestors, who came ashore with Samuel Champlain and stayed on, were probably veterans of the wars between the French and English. Fancy that. Those old time Boureys, LaDukes, Messiers and Dumases might have been involved in the stuff being described in this history book. I checked the index to see if any of the names are in there but they aren’t. Of course this is a “Brief History” so a lot more pages would be required to handle the exploits of my forefathers and foremothers. And it was only fifty or so years after that time that the ancestors headed down into the USA. Also knowing my various genetic inheritances I can assume that those people were probably more of the foot soldiers, farmers and woodsmen types than the officers and aristocrats of the era, which is not a bad thing but no riches devolved from that lineage.

Well the eyelids are getting heavy again and I think I can head back to the bed. As long as my dear wife hasn’t slid into a deep and sonorous snoring mode I should be able to sleep for a while. If that’s happened I might as well start frying up the bacon and eggs.

One more stop in the bathroom (older guys are very conscious of this necessity) and back to the sack. It’s 4:03 AM. I drift off into dreamless darkness hoping that you all…

Have a fine day.

FINAL ARRANGEMENTS

Certain sad and inevitable events are happening in our family as I write this. My brother-in-law, my wife’s sister’s husband, is now under Hospice care at their home in Mississippi. As we get older, and as our older relatives get closer to that final stretch of the journey, we start thinking about our own demise. Most folks don’t sit around constantly entertaining morbid thoughts about their final day. And I don’t either. But occasionally those things cross my mind and today happened to be one of those days.

What I was thinking was that it might be time to jot down what I’d like in the way of a send off from this world. All the finest funeral directors tell you that it’s best to make those arrangements ahead of time. They don’t want you to be a last minute shopper. The lawyers all want a person to be prepared legally so that the surviving vultures, I mean relatives, don’t need to have a big ugly fight over your pile of wealth. I don’t have much to worry about in that area. And doctors want you to have that living will thing so that the kids can pull the plug when the government health care system doesn’t pay for your ventilating machine any more. Even the pastors and priests like to see a nice list of “things to do” for the requiem services. So I’m going to provide some preferences for my own final arrangements right now.

First of all, since I intend to live a good long time and cling like hell to that last thread of life, I’ll probably be under Hospice care for a considerable length of time. I’d like to have a pool set up by a caring family member so someone can win a prize by picking the day, hour and minute of my departure. Chances could go for ten bucks or so and if it’s handled right a considerable amount of money could be raised from all the friends and relatives that I have. So let’s say fifty folks get in the pool. The winner will get half and the other half will go to pay for the booze and food for my going away party. Knowing my relatives though, we probably need to sell a lot more than fifty chances to cover that booze bill.

I haven’t decided yet if I want a church funeral or just a non-denominational memorial thing. If I were to croak tomorrow I’d want the latter. Who knows what the next few years will bring religiously speaking. All I do know is that jokes must be told no matter what kind of service happens. The jokes can’t be the mildly amusing anecdotes about events in my life. No, they must be really funny jokes about two priests and a rabbi, an Irish guy a Polish guy and an Arab or a couple of nuns and a hooker. Fart jokes are okay too. If enough money gets raised in the TOD pool then a comedian could be hired to handle the jokes. The service should also have music. Bluegrass music would be the best choice, preferably the Gibson Brothers. If they could be convinced to play live (they’ll probably still be around by then) that would be good. But CD’s are okay. I just don’t want any damn karaoke machine being used.

Food choices are not important to me. I won’t be eating. But in memory of my simple tastes good Buffalo wings, Glazier Michigan hot dogs and Yeungling beer will be fine selections. Don’t serve any vegetables with dip or quiche. The wine doesn’t need to be high priced. My wife prefers red or white in quantity so a big jug or box is okay.

Now the only thing left to specify about funereal preferences, other than the method of my disposal, are the eulogies. Once again I don’t want any sad crap or boo-hoo inspiring reminiscing. Someone should read the weather report for the day, maybe the stock exchange report if it’s not too depressing and maybe a review of the good news items in the paper. Then one or two family members or friends can read one of the funnier compositions from my files. I’ll be writing more as the years pass by, but if things change quickly for the worst there’s a poem about a tattooed woman or the ever popular squirrel story that can be used.

So there you have my wishes for my final arrangements. If I’ve left anything out feel free to be creative. Just make sure every idea is light hearted and fun. We should die as we have lived and I’d like a happy send off. As for the disposal arrangements I think cremation followed by ash dispersal in an appropriate river valley would be just fine. You probably can guess the river.

Have a fine day.

MEN VS WOMEN: A Rebuttal

Recently a renowned philosopher wrote an article with several declarations regarding the superiority of women and, of course, conversely, the inferiority of the male of the human species. Most of his allegations were based on research conducted within his own home so they are to be considered suspect. With such a narrow statistical sampling, which he projects willy-nilly on the whole of male humanity, there are bound to be some errors in his conclusions.

This esteemed scholar, who shall remain nameless in the interests of protecting him from the wrath of his fellows, claims that “men are pigs”, “men are incapable of multi tasking”, “men are morons”, “men can not open a can of soup without the help of women” and again “men are pigs”. He also implies that a centuries old fact, men are better drivers, is a delusion. This formerly great thinker treads on dangerous ground.

In the interests of good science I conducted a highly complex investigation using large data sampling techniques to test my colleague’s hypotheses. Using these sophisticated surveying techniques I came to strikingly different conclusions, grounded in real research and not sullied by personal prejudice. So there.

First we’ll look at the issue of multi-tasking. In my surveys I found that 87% of the male respondents (some women responded because the men in their houses were busy watching football but I won’t report their comments) could do many tasks at one time. Some reported the ability to send text messages to their fantasy football friends while watching real football. Some reported that they could watch TV, eat dinner and think about the best way to fix the garage door all at the same time. Some said that they could listen to their wife’s description of new curtains, think about sex and drink a beer with out the least bit of difficulty. An amazing 98% of men reported that they could read and attend to certain bodily functions at the same time. Therefore, research shows that men multi-task on an almost daily basis.

Now we’ll tackle the claim that men are morons. This is much harder to dispute based on even the most scientific surveys. Some men are morons. Some women are morons. Pretty much all teenagers are morons. To test the hypothesis I asked respondents to name ten morons. Then I looked at the number of men on the respective lists as compared to the number of women. The mean average was four male morons, four female morons and two teenage morons. Not surprisingly several public figures were listed on all surveys. Politicians were cited, both male and female, most often. Certain sports figures, Michael Vick and Brett Favre being the most common, were also mentioned. Every single respondent listed Hillary Clinton and Regis Philbin. So the scientific evidence would seem to support the fact that both men and women are morons.

Next the question of soup can opening must be addressed. This research involved only three simple questions: “Can you open a can of soup?”, “How do you open a can of soup?” and finally “Have you ever, since reaching adulthood, needed a woman to help open a can of soup?” The results of the survey showed that 93.76% of the male respondents say they can open a can of soup. Only 2% ever need the help of a woman in opening a can of soup. And the descriptions of how a can of soup is opened were representative of several variations. Just over 60% said they used a can opener, 29% said they pulled the little tab thingy and lifted off the lid, 9% responded “other”, 1% said they used a Bowie knife and 1% said they used their teeth. Of the 6.24% who said they couldn’t open a can of soup 5% were handicapped in some way. Therefore the evidence is conclusive. Men can open soup cans.

Finally we must look at the claim that “men are pigs”. Now piggishness is a relative notion. Where some people might see a little dust and an out of place newspaper as an indication of slovenly living another group might think that three days worth of dirty dishes, an overflowing laundry basket and a little soap scum in the shower is not really that big a deal. My colleague cites the example of office desks as one proof of pig like behavior. My personal work space is only mildly cluttered now but when I was a store manager there was a great deal of disarray in my office. But I knew where every document and note was in that pile of confusion. So to test the hypothesis presented by the article in question I submitted four photographs for the respondents review. Each photo showed the same room in various states of cleanliness. The first photo, which is of the living room in my house after a whole day of entertaining my grandsons, represents the messiest situation. The other three photos were taken in the days following as we assaulted the levels of debris and disarray gradually returning the room to pristine condition. Each respondent was asked to label one of the photos as an example of extreme piggishness. Then I compared those results to the same survey done of an equal number of women. The results were surprising though not totally unexpected. Over 60% of both men and women selected the photograph of the room that had been cleaned up to a level of fifty percent clean as bieng piggish. Nearly 5% of the women thought piggishness was represented in the totally cleaned room. And nearly 5% of the men thought the totally messed up room was clean. So once again we find that men and women are just about the same. Piggish behavior is not the sole purview of either sex. Science has spoken.

My colleague states in his final paragraph that women could rule the planet but that the reverse would be catastrophic. He states that without women men would simply not exist. Well, duh? How scientific is that? Everyone, even narrow minded science guys like me, know that it takes both a man and a woman to create a new person. And as for ruling the world that’s probably handled better as a joint effort as well. Any time throughout history where either sex has been dominant the job gets kind of botched up. So maybe if a balance could be struck things would run a little better. But that’s not science, just common sense. My colleague’s article can be read at www.pboureysthoughts.blogspot.com Even though it reinforces stereotypes that we men should be fighting against it’s funny, in an unscientific way, and probably pretty close to the truth at his house.

Have a fine day.

SPORTS: A Rumination

Sports are not a major obsession for me. Some of my friends and family are avid fans but I have avoided that particular virus. Cheering wildly for a group of millionaire athletes who have no particular loyalty to the city they represent, other than the inflated paycheck they get seems a little silly. I’d rather cheer for the owners. At least they have an investment in the enterprise.

There was a time when I followed a baseball or hockey team to some degree. But now my interest is usually only sustained during the final round of playoffs. And I never developed any interest in basketball. Football is pretty much an excuse to drink beer and eat wings, and that also only occurs during the playoffs. Of course not having regular access to TV limits my involvement in the sporting world. That seems to be how people get hooked into fanaticism. I’m old enough to remember when baseball games were on TV on weekends only, as were most sports programs. Boxing did show up on Friday nights sometimes. Weekday ball games were something I tuned in the transistor radio for with the little earplug thing stuck in my head. Nowadays if you’ve got premium cable or satellite you can watch sports all day every day. Professional, college and amateur sports are always available.

Baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis, golf, car racing, bowling and hockey are regular fixtures on the tube. In addition you can find track and field, lumberjack competitions, beach volleyball, inside volleyball, table tennis, boxing, wrestling, fighting where guys try to maim each other and darts. I know I’ve missed something. Oh yeah, horse racing, skiing, rodeo and dog sled racing show up every now and then. Of course the Olympics, summer and winter, come along every few years. That’s a lot of sports going out over the airwaves. A serious fan needs to devote a great deal of time to the pursuit of his pleasure. It can involve complex scheduling and lots of highly complicated recording technology. Sleep deprivation ensues. Marriages are broken. It’s not easy for the true fan to get through his days and nights.

Attending professional sporting events is a high dollar proposition. My fixed income won’t allow for the purchase of tickets. I see folks who drop a couple hundred bucks on an afternoon at an Eagles game in Philadelphia. That money would only cover tickets for two and parking a mile from the stadium. Baseball isn’t quite as high but it isn’t cheap. And the NBA tickets are a joke. So although attendance is usually pretty strong in most markets the TV is the cheapest way to watch the pros. I have a cousin who likes his hometown hockey team so much that he got a job as a security guy at the arena. Either he really likes the team or he’s just too cheap to part with his cash. Or both.

When I look at the social networking internet sites I notice quite a bit of friendly banter about various sports teams and events. Some people are avid Yankee or Red Sox fans. Others favor the Dodgers or more obscure teams like the Nationals or the pitiful Orioles. But loyalty knows no bounds. A team can be solidly entrenched in the cellar, forty games out of the running and loyal fans will still be following their team. Of course the $40.00 tickets won’t be selling so hot towards the end of the season, unless the Yankees come to town for a game.

I always thought that enthusiasm for sports was a particularly American personality quirk. But when I went to England a few years back I learned otherwise. The British are just as whacked as we are. They follow football (soccer over here), rugby, golf, tennis and cricket. Some Brits even follow American football and baseball. Then when I met a young man from Ghana I found out that sports are a major deal in his country. Soccer is the big obsession but they also pay attention to boxing and several American sports. Then a Canadian guy told me that sports were huge up there in the great white north. They even follow a really weird ice game called Curling. As far as I can tell it involves sliding heavy rocks down the ice while other guys sweep with brooms in a vigorous manner ahead of the rocks. It’s strange I know but it is Canada.

So I guess my absence from the world of fandom and my minor objections to the costs, both financial and spiritual, aren’t going to diminish the importance of sport in the country. My only hope is that folks pay as much attention to what happens in politics as they do to the Little League World Series. Then we’d have the best of both worlds; an electorate that knows the stats of the president, senators and congressmen and an entertained bunch of fans.

Have a fine day.