COUSINS

This past weekend I spent some time with some of my cousins. I have a lot of cousins; first, second and third, once removed, twice removed and on and on. There are also spouses of cousins (I call them cousin-in-laws) who are integral parts of the family. On my paternal side of the family I have seventeen first cousins still with us and on the maternal side there are twenty-three. So, if my math is correct, that’s forty living first cousins. Another three have passed on to the big family reunion in the sky.

I like my cousins. They don’t all fit into easily categorized groups. Some people might say we have the good, the bad and the ugly. But I wouldn’t say that. Some of them I haven’t seen for years. But I know that when I do see them we’ll pick up on the latest news in a matter of minutes and continue conversations that were started long ago. This past weekend I saw a cousin that I hadn’t seen in thirty years or so. I’ve followed his progress through other relatives so I knew a little about his life and travels. But it was great seeing him and sorting out the details, separating the facts from the rumors. As a family, we have a way of exaggerating or embellishing personal accounts of absent relatives. Some might say we all like a good story, especially a story that has a punch line and some kind of insult tucked inside. We tend to laugh a great deal.

My paternal side cousins, with a few notable exceptions, are quieter and more serious than my maternal side. The paternal cousins enjoy more one on one conversation tempered with a certain reserve. Their humor is understated and occasionally sarcastic. They’re a lot of fun to be with but they’re a much more reserved group than the maternal crowd. The cousins on my Mom’s side are a boisterous bunch. Mealtime conversation will go in many, many directions at the same time with frequent interruptions, jokes and (usually) friendly arguments. And there is a little bit of loudness involved. But all of my cousins are good folks. They’re more than just a bunch of relatives that I “need” to be nice to. Every one of them I consider to be a friend as well as a relative.

In an effort to tell a little bit about one of my cousins I’m probably going to embarrass her. I’m not even going to mention her name but family members will know who I’m talking about. She is on the maternal side of the family, which is appropriate because she’s a maternal kind of lady. If there is one cousin I can think of who embodies the spirit of a strong and happy family it is this super person. Along with her husband, a fine fellow and excellent bread maker, she has set the standard of hospitality and kindness that all of us strive to achieve. She is optimistic, uncannily cheerful, always helpful and generous and extremely good looking. Her house is always as open as her heart. And her heart is always, always open. Does she have a slight temper? Well, maybe. But even on the rare occasions when a little outburst shows up she will be quick to try and mend the situation and forgive and forget. If I don’t stop here other family members will swear I’m making this stuff up just to get on her good side. But I’m always on her good side. So those of you who know who I’m talking about, give her a pat on the back once in a while. She deserves more than that but she’ll never look for it.

Other cousins from both sides of my family also stand out in my mind. Some I think of as mentors. Some I think of as confidantes. And others I can call on when I need a good laugh. There might even be one or two who would lend me a power tool. With so many excellent people in one large family I judge myself to be a very fortunate guy.

Usually I have a point for these little articles. Today my point is less obvious. Not everyone has a huge family with a high degree of harmony. Some folks have small clans that are contentious and unable to get along. Harmony doesn’t happen by accident. It requires someone to take the lead and set an example. Then it takes a few more family members to follow that lead. It all grows from there. Our family has been fortunate to have quite a few good leaders, one of whom I mentioned earlier. And I’ve always been happy to follow a good leader.

So have a fine day.